Default Settings
by FiveRoses
Summary: Oneshot. We all have default settings which determine who we are and how we react to life.


_This is a character analysis, not a story (no action, dialogue or plot). Since the characters are not mine, and the people to whom they really belong could have a very different view of them, bear in mind the adage 'Don't believe everything you read'. This is also the first time I've posted anything, so keep your expectations low. Life is less disappointing if you don't expect too much!_

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Teresa Lisbon was easily annoyed.

Annoyance (occasionally tipping over into outright anger) had been her default emotion since she was a girl, and it had always stood her in good stead. It drowned out less manageable emotions like fear, anxiety, depression, panic, hurt and loneliness (to name but a few) and gave her energy and forward motion to Get Things Done, whether she felt like it or not. She was so accustomed to doing things that she didn't particularly want to do that she couldn't imagine any other way of living. Following her bliss was not a concept she had ever embraced.

Teresa was, in a word, responsible.

She had also formed the (often accurate) belief that if she didn't make sure that things got done, they would remain undone, and she wasn't afraid to delegate tasks to anyone in her sphere of influence in a way that brooked no argument. When people didn't follow her directions, she got annoyed, an outcome which most people in her life tried to avoid.

It would be hard to pinpoint exactly why earning her ire was so unpleasant. She was such a tiny, beautiful woman that at first glance it seemed unlikely that anyone could be afraid of her. And, in truth, it was less that they were afraid of her (despite her formidable physical abilities and biting wit) and more that they were afraid of displeasing her, which is a subtle but important distinction. People wanted to impress and please Teresa Lisbon. They instinctively admired and respected her and they wanted to win her favour.

She was so self-contained and enigmatic that it was often hard to figure out what she felt or thought about anyone (except when she was annoyed – that was always easy enough to spot), which tended to make people a little insecure around her. Actually, this was not her intention – she was not a manipulative person by any means – she was simply inept at expressing her emotions and loathe to make herself vulnerable. She was vaguely aware that this was a failing and that she was missing a great deal as a result of it, but she wouldn't have known where to begin to fix this problem, even if she had had the courage to do so, which she didn't.

She always found it odd that people thought she was such a courageous person simply because she was physically fearless and was willing to take risks in her job that lesser agents would not have taken. As far as she was concerned, she was a coward, because emotionally she was utterly fearful. She admired people who could give of their hearts and lives freely and fearlessly and felt herself inferior by comparison.

She didn't realise that this thorn in her side had made her undemonstratively compassionate and gentle when the situation called for it and that people responded to this silent part of her personality even more readily than they did to her commanding, decisive self.

She didn't know it, but people liked her.

* * *

Patrick Jane caused more annoyance to Teresa Lisbon than everyone else in her life combined. People thought he did it on purpose because he liked to get a rise out of her, but this was not quite true. Yes, he did like to get a rise out of her, but he preferred to do so without making her angry.

Making her angry wasn't actually much fun at all, and although he wasn't ever willing to give up what he wanted to do simply to avoid making her angry, he was usually remorseful that his antics made her life difficult. Getting her into trouble was never his objective.

Making her laugh, on the other hand, was one of his favourite pastimes. She had a quirky sense of humour and found some of the most surprising things amusing. Being amused was her second default emotion, and Patrick went out of his way to play to this part of her personality.

This was partly to counteract the effects of annoying her so often, but mostly because he liked her and wanted to please her just as much as everyone else in her life did. She was an unexpectedly appealing person, which he found fascinating.

He was accustomed to people responding to his obvious, charming, smiling appeal, which he used to such powerful and often manipulative effect. Teresa's charm was far more elusive and mysterious; it captivated you when you were least expecting it and once captivated, it bound you tenaciously in its gossamer threads. He was pretty sure it was something to do with the mischief that lurked in her eyes and tugged at the corners of her mouth.

She was such a study in contrasts that she drew him in and made him obsessively curious about what lay beneath the surface. She was so intensely protective of her inner self, especially around him, that she became an irresistible puzzle to Patrick. She didn't respond to his usual methods of tricking the truth out of people, and this made the challenge even more interesting to him.

His motives were muddy even to himself, but he knew that his intense interest in her gave Teresa Lisbon more power over him than anyone else he knew. He was very ambivalent about this. He had no desire to try to categorise his feelings for her, because he wasn't entirely sure what he would find if he did, and he was pretty certain it was safer to maintain the status quo.

He also didn't want her to know how much sway she had with him, because he feared it would upset the very delicate balance of power that they maintained between them, which was one of the things he liked best about their relationship. They were equals; matched sparring partners; friends. Teresa understood him as well as anyone did. She knew how to communicate with him wordlessly - an ability he found intensely intimate in a comforting, undemanding kind of way. It was a new experience for him and, he suspected, for her too, but he studiously made no effort to delve into its possible implications. Some stones are better left unturned.

* * *

Part of the reason that Patrick liked Teresa's company was that she helped him be the person he was trying to become.

He was not proud of his past, or of the fact that only terrible tragedy had been sufficiently psyche-shattering to make him repent.

Along with his soul-destroying quest for revenge, he now lived with a terrible undertow of self-hatred that stole his sleep and bogged down any forward movement, growth or change in his life. He courageously tried to pull himself up by his bootstraps, to learn from the error of his ways, to be truthful about his past and to laugh through the pain, but the undertow always held him in its grip, never allowing him to truly change.

He'd changed the externals of his life, but he was still the same man he had been – a showman, intent on being the centre of attention; a con artist, always playing tricks on people and manipulating them for his own ends; a charmer, desirous of people's admiration and affection; a narcissist. The only difference was that now he had that additional dark undercurrent of bitterness, hatred and pain which added a certain angry recklessness to everything he did.

It probably hadn't been wise to immerse himself in other people's murders and sufferings when he was so unstable himself, but he had convinced everyone that he was fine.

He was that good at lying.

Except that Teresa knew he wasn't fine. And her unacknowledged compassion and gentleness gave him the room to be damaged, even when it put her in danger; even when she had to repeatedly save his life because his underlying death-wish constantly pushed him into dangerous situations; even when it drove her crazy.

She knew. She was the only one who did.

And something about that fact gave him a strange hope.

Teresa was so incredibly wary of emotional attachments, but she had unintentionally invested in him somehow. She believed he was worth the trouble that he caused her. She cared about what happened to him and hoped that he could free himself from his demons eventually. She believed he could be something other than the man he had been. She saw something worthwhile in him that he couldn't see in himself, for all his arrogance.

And since he had great respect for her judgement, that counted for a great deal.


End file.
